the coconut husk

If I had to pick a starting point for this journey, don’t think I could pinpoint a date on the calendar.  Journeys through life certainly define who we are, and I am no exception.  Through being raised by a single dad in Asia, which became my home, and being one myself at present have gained some insights and perspectives that may serve to help others.

I started out in Toledo, Ohio where I was born into this world.  My Dad, Mom, brother and I were going on about our lives growing up together.  I came home from school one day, and my Mom was gone. Suddenly my parents split and divorced.  I was 7 and my brother was 5; we both have vague memories of them together.  My Dad had custody of me and my Mom had custody of my brother, Will.   Shortly thereafter my Dad (businessman and operations manager) and I moved to the Asian nation of Singapore where I was raised.  My brother stayed in Toledo being raised by my Mom who was a public school teacher (had a 30 year career in Toledo and Chicago).  My brother and I did not grow up together; though now we both know that blood is certainly thicker than distance and are quite close.

Me on the left looking at the sunset, my brother Will is on the right…

The silhouetted picture of me and my brother was taken by my Dad when I was around 6 and my brother was 4 shortly before our lives were split apart and grew up in different worlds, I have it in my family room.  Though I’m sure Dad did not realize it at the time he took the picture, it foretells the unwritten chapters on the horizon.  You can see the sunset splitting us right down the middle symbolic of our childhood; over time it became apparent even though the sun did set on my Mom and Dad’s marriage and us all growing up together it did not certainly did set on me, Will, my Mom or Dad.  I learned and experienced that there is always a morning after. Also that ‘roll up your sleeves’ relationships are the best investment one can make; they transcend time and circumstances.

The morning after for me was growing up with my Dad in Singapore and all the adventures that ensued.  I was certainly blessed with a Dad who is a Dad in every sense of the word and my love for my Mom or my brother never waned even though we were in different worlds.  After high school, it was coming back to America after Singapore had been my home and readjusting to a country I was unfamiliar with and adapting.  It was getting to know my Mom and getting through the coconut husk with her over the years; it took time and we are now closer than ever.  It was hanging out with my brother and even though we could not make up the time, we realized that our bond was stronger due the experience of it all; we always have each other’s backs.  It was getting married and being blessed with 3 wonderful kids (1 son and 2 daughters) for all of whom I am honored and humbled to be their Dad.    It was also adjusting to being a single Dad myself after “Getting Through Tuesday” when my marriage ended and discovering, yet again, there is a morning after.  Have come to appreciate the Strength of Scars.

This blog is intended to share experiences and lend a hand of encouragement and support to other single dads, kids of single Dads and Moms, and Third Culture Kids.  I welcome learning from your experiences and insights as well.

Terima Kasih,

Ed Deiss