the coconut husk

As we drove out of the parking lot after our first date on July 25th, 2016 in Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina, I made sure her car started and followed her out.  All of a sudden, I see brake lights and she stops her car.  The door opens; she gets out, turns and runs back to me.  I rolled down my window and she says, ‘I just want another two minutes with you.’  Don’t have to ask me twice, out of the car I went.  We knew after that night there was something about what each of us saw in the other that, even though we lived 3 hours apart, we wanted to see each other again.  For two more minutes and then more; the story of Angela and Ed.

“Are you the kind of person that the kind of person you are looking for is looking for?” – Andy Stanley

We are asked how we met, and it amazes both of us.  How can two people living their lives in separate worlds, thriving and happy on their own, a guy born in the American Midwest, raised in Asia, and now raising three kids as a single parent in Richmond, Virginia meet a part Cherokee Indian country girl, born and raised in North Carolina, and paying it forward as an EMT Paramedic in addition to working as a Cosmetologist.  Angela and I  do know that just one slight turn by either of us, or in events in our lives, on our journey to where we met that night in Roanoke Rapids, and it never would have happened.  Someone was behind the scenes, and there is no doubt in our minds who it was.  There is no way we could have foreseen or planned it.  God was directing the orchestra of events through our lives, including the struggles and pain, and what we do know is we allowed a ‘mutual friend’ to introduce and connect us, eHarmony. And we are grateful.

About a year ago, I shared my thoughts about going there again and loving someone;  Yes, It’s Worth It.  I observed that love often does not make sense and can come about from unlikely places (little did I know I was writing to myself as well). Angela and I did not have our lives on hold waiting for it, as we both know and have experienced thriving and being happy are great on their own. The quote from Andy Stanley above is one we both relate to, as it is more about becoming and being the right person rather than wondering when and are you going to find someone.

“I’ve never met a strong person with an easy past.” – Unknown

Love, Purpose, and Time.  What was obvious to both of us was the importance of living with purpose each day, and being purposeful with the time we have.  Every time we are together, we lost track of time.  It goes by so fast.  Our first phone call it was as we knew each other already.  Our scars that we have encountered through life, as kids and adults, are attractive to one another.  We respect each other’s journey, knowing it is a part of who we are, and are stronger because of it.  Angela has also shared her side of our forever.

We both have had to experience Getting Through Tuesday, including being abandoned as kids by a parent and the pain of human betrayal as adults; in fact it happened to each of us the same month in April 2009.

Those experiences however have in turn made us grateful for our strength gained from scars inflicted.  I shared in that blog witnessing the near death experience of my Mom with a gun at her head by my former step-dad, and the possibility that me and my brother  could have been witness targets as well.  We all survived.

For Angela, she started thinking about having to plan her own funeral in December 2011 after being diagnosed with Stage Three Colon Cancer as she was given a 35% chance to live.  She has shared with me that through the chemotherapy there were times she thought death was easier, yet she kept fighting.  She has reinforced to me the gift of time we all have, even two more minutes with someone, to be purposeful in action and interactions, and make relationships in your life a priority.  After three years of chemotherapy her doctors informed her it looked like she was going to make it. She decided to pay it forward, having compassion for others in need, and went to EMT school and became an EMT Paramedic.  I am often at a loss for words when she shares about that time of her life, however she inspires me with compassion, energy, care for others, and treating each day we are alive as a treasure.

After our first date, and the extra two minutes, we kept in touch, a lot.  The everyday kind, even though I went on summer trips.  As we lived in different cities (and states for that matter) communication and treating each other as a priority had to be not just words, actions.  I knew I wanted to ask her if she would be my girlfriend, in person as if we were in high school again, and I did on August 9th.  It sure was better than a text asking the same.  As we kept spending more and more time together, our relationship and friendship kept growing.  She sent me a guide on what to expect when dating a rescue chick; I sent her one about dating a runner.  We made time for each other, always, and when we had to return to our worlds, we counted the days until we could see each other again.  We will never forget the first time we said “I love you” to each other, and we knew it was unfiltered, heartfelt, authentic and sincere.  Little things mean the most to us, whether a loving and encouraging note or card, a call or text for no reason other than to say ‘I love you’, or the chance to hear the other’s voice.

“Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” – 1 Corinthians 13:7

What has helped guide us as we started dating and will continue in our marriage is having Guardrails in our relationship.  Andy Stanley did an excellent series on this subject, and as I thought about it even during the past seven years of being a single parent, I had Guardrails to honor myself.  I have learned being teachable through life enables growth.

February 4th, 2017, our wedding day. As I see the church door open on Saturday and see Angela walk down the aisle, my heart will skip several beats as she gets closer and closer.  My hand will reach for hers to have and to hold. Each time I see her, I think about the car door opening and her looking and running back for us to spend two more minutes together.  This time we have more than two minutes babe.

“Close Your Eyes…When your love pours down on me, I know I’m finally free, So I tell you gratefully,  Every single beat in my heart is yours to keep.”

From those two more minutes to forever….I love you Angela.

Ed